Add configurable exit grace periods and shutdown handlers

The server cleanup method is untested.

The join() function that exposes it is only called by the internals of threading.py, and we don't hold a reference to the server thread to explicitly join() it, and I'm not sure we should add a reference just for this purpose.

Moreover, the threading.py only calls join(None), the code path in question isn't even exercised by the internals of threading.py. Its just there to make sure we properly follow the join(timeout) semantics.